House MD
by Twilight Solstice
Summary: “I heard somewhere if you keep your face in a position for too long it’ll stay that way…not that too many people will notice the difference…”


Disclaimer: I do not own House M.D.

AN: This is a one-shot I wrote a while ago. I found it while throwing away some files on my computer.

Summary: House being House and poor Wilson along for the ride.

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Gregory House was known as a brilliant doctor. He was also known as a pain in the ass, stuck up, insolent, rule breaking—

"Enough with that train of thought." He said out loud and the only other person in the room just happened to ignore him. He was more preoccupied with the fact he had a patient who was dying…but it's not like House would understand the emergency in the situation. The man was too self absorbed.

"Aren't you going to ask why I'm babbling to myself like a lunatic?"

He was met with silence.

Calculating eyes narrowed. _'This won't do…I did come here to annoy him after all…'_

"So…have another patient you're going to misdiagnose?" This should hit the mark.

"No."

"No what?"

"Don't you have something better to do than take up oxygen here?"

GLARE

"I'm sure Cuddy's free. Why don't you go annoy her? Make fun of her scanty blouse or something?"

**GLARES HARDER**

"I heard somewhere if you keep your face in a position for too long it'll stay that way…not that too many people will notice the difference…"

"Your mockery ends here. Prepare for a full battle of wits-"

"I'd rather not fight with an unarmed person."

"And I'd rather not fight with a careless, dumb doctor who obviously doesn't care whether his patients die or not-"

"Touché."

"Well… your mom!"

"For the sake of the man whose life I'm trying to save, let's just say you won alright? Now if you excuse me-"

"Let him die then. I've seen you mull over this guy for a while now. If you're taking this much time trying to figure out a way, just stop. You're prolonging the inevitable. Plus I'm hungry."

"Actually I do feel like some pudding."

If House was into that sorta thing, he'd have fallen off his chair by now. But his superior complex demanded he stay seated so he did the next best thing.

THWAP!

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?"

"Let's say there was a God. The reason he made us friends was for you to stop me from doing stupid things…or at least make it so that no one dies or I don't get thrown in jail. Bottom line is…you're the voice of reason. You're that annoying little fairy on my shoulder trying to revive my long dead conscience."

Feeling satisfied with his rather unique explanation House leaned back into his chair. The response however disappointed him.

"Fairy? I'm a fairy?" came the sputtered answer.

"Right now you're being an idiot."

"House…this guy doesn't have long to live. He came to me in the last stages of his illness. I'm afraid I've tried everything."

Sigh.

Groan.

"Let's pretend I care for a second. It's not your fault. The dimwit probably didn't realize puking blood was a bad thing. He was probably waiting for a written confirmation. Shit goes down sometimes and all you have to do is flush. Happy?"

Raised eyebrow.

"Uhh…that's the thing about metaphors…they need some sorta logic behind them. Build a freakin bridge and get over it. Let's go now. I'm hungry and I hear there's a new nurse. I wanna traumatize her before she gets word of the crazy ass doctor who doesn't care how many patients he has to kill in order to satisfy his thirst of knowledge."

"He has a history of drugs and his life is a little unorthodox."

"The nurse is a HE!?"

"The PATIENT!!"

"…oh. In that case the moron probably deserves to die. How many times did mommy say smoking is bad and drugs can kill you? It's on the freakin TV for heaven's sake!"

"What would the world be if Dr. House wasn't on it?" Sarcasm.

"There'd be a lot of dead people lying around. On the other hand there'd be a lot less idiots around too. Kinda makes you wonder if I'm doing the right thing."

"You'd think after the first twenty or so harassment suits you'd learn to differentiate a living human with feelings to a dummy who doesn't give a crap the doctor he's trusting with his life is insane."

"You'd think after so many years of friendship you'd learn that I simply don't care. Plus, the dummy is dumb hence he wouldn't care if I were a talking cow with electrical wires in my hoofs. Speaking of cows… I'M STILL HUNGRY!"

Sigh. Wilson stood up from his seat a bit begrudgingly.

"I take it I'm buying?"

Snicker.

"No wonder our friendship's lasted so long." House got up too.

"Is it because of my lack of self resignation?"

"I was gonna say we'd do anything for each other but yours sounds better…and more correct."

"Do you want lunch or not!?" Pause. "You'd do anything for me?"

"As long as I don't have to give you a lung…or my collection of porn but everything else is valid." Pause. "Maybe not."

"Would you bail me out of jail?"

"No... considering I'd probably be in the cell next to you. Don't worry though. With luck you'd probably only be considered an accessory."

Silence.

"So…lunch…?"

"About damn time."

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AN: I read this and I'm like, eh? I sorta liked it so I posted it up. Read and review. Please. Sorry if they seem OOC but I think I was sugar high or something when I wrote this.

Till Later

Twilight


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